I have to admit that when Ed told us that he’d made a New Year’s resolution - I laughed. Well, he makes one every year and, usually, he doesn’t keep them for more than a day. On one occasion he didn’t make it to the end of the announcement!
‘My resolution this year,’ he declared grandly, ‘is..’ and at this point he took out his fountain pen and began to write, ‘...to keep my temper when things go wro...oh drat! Just look at that - the stupid pen’s blotted ink all over the paper!! You’d think they could manage a simple job like making a pen that works at least 50% of the time!!! It’s not good enough!!! HOW DO THEY EXPECT...’ and so on, getting red in the face and breaking his promise before he’d even made it.
This year, he wouldn’t reveal what his resolution was, so I kept a close eye on him, in an attempt to catch him out.
He obviously hadn’t promised to keep his temper, cos when I accidentally knocked one of his cream doughnuts into the paper-shredder, he went mad.
‘I take it you didn’t resolve to cut back on your waistline either,’ I responded, ‘since that was your third doughnut!’
And, he clearly wasn’t trying to improve his time-keeping, since he popped out for half-an-hour at lunchtime and came back ninety minutes later having been delayed by an extra helping of spotted Dick at the Mucky Axle transport caff.
By the end of the day I’d given up trying to guess and begged he let us into his secret.
‘I have resolved,’ he finally revealed, ‘not to change my behaviour one jot! And I expect to have no trouble in keeping my promise all year!’
Happy New Year