I popped into the Galloper Grange gardens the other day to see my old mate Dave. I found him, in the greenhouse, with Sam Soyle the gardener.
‘Bloomin' frost last night!" grumbled Sam, eyeing some tender young shoots.
‘I suppose you use some old country way of predicting the weather,' suggested Dave. ‘Like my grandad. He's got a piece of seaweed hanging on a hook outside his back door. He says that when the seaweed's dry so is the weather and when it's wet, it's raining!'
‘Well, he could tell that by looking at the hook!' retorted Sam, ‘he don't need no seaweed! What he wants is something that tells him what the weather's agoin' t' do, not what it's already adoin!'
‘What, like a "red sky at night?' I said. ‘What does that mean?'
‘It means they've put them new orange street lights along the bypass,' replied Sam, ‘you c'n see the glow in the sky fer miles! Anyway I ain't worried, on account o' that,' and he pointed to a metal box at one end of the greenhouse. On top was a colourful little wooden house with two doorways. In one was a carved figure of a man wearing a coat and scarve and in the other a lady in a summer dress.
‘Oh, I've seen those,' I said, ‘when it gets cold the little man comes out and when it gets warm it's the little lady...'
‘Garn! I don't mean that tourist twoddle, I mean the box it's astandin' on,' said Sam, ‘that's the control fer the automatic, turbo-fan-assisted, electric heatin' system!
See you soon Luv Junior